A War Room...

It feels weighed down,

Eyes closing tired of the run..

An unexplainable pain

rests permanently in the heart..

The pain of War,

Good and bad Fencing each other!

Guilt and lust cheering its team!

The sound of roar brings a fear

To not lose and to not look back..

For the roars wither in time

not the guilt neither neither the lust.

A door to hide the colors of fantasy

A dark room of all the thoughts!

Ready to glow with a little Ignite.

A silent battle of fair and unfair,

For love is unconditional

unchanging with time,

Starves the body to play a game..

If waiting is happiness...

Why the battle? 

If love is a pleasure..

Why the shackle?

Chastity- Physical, Emotional or both?

Honesty- A Path or a Myth?

The battle of binaries

The war between mind and heart..

If deliberation is a Gift..

Why give a fickle with it?

If going by heart is bliss..

Why add a guilt to it?

If its about righteousness..

Why give Good & Bad? 

The war room will be at peace 

When binaries cease to exist

For it is a dream 

The dream like Utopia.. 

Where Will is the only key

To cross Lines 

To hold on and 

To never let the War

Win over the life inside...

Thoughtful about the Enigma of Living, 

Sarah

உணர்வுகளுடன் ஓர் உரையாடல்...

சினமும் அழகென்று இன்று கண்டேன் சகியே!

தோழன் ஒருவனுடன் சாலைப்  பயணம்.
இசையில் நனைந்த காதுகள்... 
சட்டென உயிர் பெற்ற நீர்நீங்கிய மீனைப் போல் 
சீரிய 'ஏய்' எனும் ஓசையில் விழித்தது ...
நிகழ்ந்தது என்னென்று உணராமல்..
என்னைத் தான் அழைத்தானோ?
ஏன் அப்படி ஒரு சீற்றம் அவன் குரலில்?
முன்னோக்கி பார்வை இட்டேன்.  
எருதினில் நிற்கும் எமணன நின்றதடி 
இரு சக்கர வாகனம் ஒன்று.
சீற்றத்தின் காரணம் அறிந்தும் தடுக்கும் மனமில்லை. 
பயமா? நியாயமடீ  என்ற மனக்குரலின் ஆளுமையா?
உணர்சிகள் உறைய சில கணங்கள். 
தன்னை விழுங்கும் சினத்தை விழுங்கிக்கொண்டு 
பொறுமை மறவாத பொறுப்புடன் 
தவறினை உணரா ஆணவம் கண்டு 
கொம்புகள் சீவிய காளை  போன்று, 
விருட்டென சென்றான்..வீரனாய் நின்றான். 
தட்டி கேட்கும் ஆண்மைக் கண்டேன் 
பெண்மை சிலிர்க்க, வார்த்தைகள் இன்றி 
சினமும் அழகென்று, உறைந்த சிலையென 
சிறு கணங்கள் கண்கள் விரிய 
என் மேல் கொண்ட அன்பு தான் காரணமோ!
என்று ஏக்கமும் வியப்பும் கலந்து தாக்க..
கருமையை கண்டு பளிச்சிடும் வெண்ணமையாய்..
தோழனவன் நடந்து வந்தான்..
கொஞ்சலாய் தலையாட்டி செல்வோம் வா!
எனக் கூறி மீண்டும் தொடங்கிது பயணம். 
சினம் அழகா? இவன் அழகா? என்று கேட்டபடியே 
எண்ணற்ற எண்ணங்களில் மிதந்துக் கொண்டே 
பயமில்லா என் மனதை நினைந்து பெருமைக் கொண்டேன் 
அவனை தடுக்காமல் நின்றதற்கு.. 
ஆணவமற்ற அவனின் சினம் கண்டு 
ஆர்பரிக்கும் கணங்கள் பெற்று  
வார்த்தைகள் வந்து மோத 
எழுதுகோல் இன்றி ஏங்கி நின்றேன். 
ஓடி வந்து தட்டச்சு செய்தேன் 
என் கணினி தோழி உன்னிடம் கூற! 
அவதூறாக பேசவில்லையே எனக் கேட்டான் 
இவன் தான் அழகென்று நெகிழ்ந்தது மனம்... 
ரசிகையாய் மாறிய தோழி, 
அன்புடன், 
சாரா  (Sarah)

பாடல் வரிகளில் திளைத்து மயக்கமாய் 

A Mirror to My heart...

I met him through a window...
So happy and So Lively!
The most accommodating Soul I ever Met.
Never judges people..
Accepts them as they are..
Stays at bay to not be used..
Covers himself with Funny talks..
Non-Secretive open book he seems..
Has numerous Thoughts stored in a Vault,
He takes a plunge- No matter What!
Acknowledging the impulse in the thought.
Owns his action, brave and bold..
For many he may seem Cold..
Pushing life holding on to duties,
He sometimes goes into that Cocoon.
A world of himself and no one let in.
In search of someone to trust and love
All the time he is amidst faces.
Not bothered who thinks what...
He knows not to truly Hurt.
The happiest of all..
Shedding the Baggage of Past and
Questions of Future, Hard and Fast
Trying to Make the best Present,
Master of his Life,
Chiseled by Conscience...
His thoughts wander in search of Meanings,
Knowing the truth theres no single and the right one..
Resting is a pain, bringing Clouds of thoughts,
Feared, Insecure, is he to trust.
Confident bold is he that never rests..
Intoxicated to being Crazy..
A perfect contrast to his Inside,
Mirroring the Woman in me,
Subtracting my Feminine Shy..
A Man of a kind, stood next to hold hands
And never be Apart!
A Friend in light and dark...
To hate him is to hate thyself,
To love him is to love thy own..


Dedicated to a Special Friend..
A man of unconditional and pure Friendship,
A Rare Jewel to hold on to.. "Manish'aetta"

Love,
Sarah

A Ride Down the Memory Lane...

Everyone of us would have crossed this phase called Teenage Love. Some call it Infatuation, Attraction, Puppy Love etc. Yet one can Never deny that it was the most beautiful phase in our life. Reliving such a wonderful experience on a morning ride is a pleasant feeling. It feels like grown up all of a sudden, being matured to accept that It was not meant to be forever. Face the awkwardness attached to meeting the man of one's first sensual dreams. 

Its been 7 long years, we last met. Lives have changed and we have grown up. He took the courage to stay in touch which I couldn't. I truly appreciate. It feels like the Guilt and awkwardness withered off by time.  He reminded me of those long buried memories as the most beautiful days of life. The conversation was as if I was reliving the whole journey of Puppy Love. 
He told that the "fast texting Raji" has not changed. I asked if he still plans to name his daughter "Nisha". 'Neha' he corrected. Lots to catch up and lots to share. Yet there was still a flirtatious feeling clouding around the whole time. Its not love, it the feeling that he was once the one and only. How crazy were those moments! I wonder today. Writing our names in class-room desks, notebooks and papers.. Throwing an eye every time I crossed his class. Entering his class with no reason but a glace of him with his guy friends. Full time admiring the Chubby Cute Boy. Those days were filled with innocence and craziness. 
Triggered by these thoughts, I rode my cycle the next morning to walk down the memory lane. I met an old friend. She was happy to see me. She was getting Married! Years have rolled on I must say. I tried tracing my way to his home. I crossed my high school, that resembled a Prison. Prison was it for those who failed to run the race of scoring marks.
Awe! I did tell him the night before that the credit of the First Kiss would always be his. Sigh! Thoughts of First Kiss and the days before engulfing me like the morning mist, my cycle took me wherever I rode. Crazy and curious was I to run to him all the time. A beautiful day before Sanskrit exams. I had the most beautiful moment in my life. The first of First Kiss. We were full of innocence and fantasy back then, I told to myself. Feeling like the queen of the world. The most beautiful woman! Days and nights spent in front of the mirror thinking and dreaming of how he would feel looking at me. Broke rules at home, Meaningless Lies and Tantrums all the time. Adolescence- Drunk in the intoxication of Teenage Attraction.  
The puppy love withered with fears of future.. We walked our ways apart. The sweetness still lays intact. I can turn to that page in my life anytime and feel the 16 year girl in me again and again.
All of us walk through this phase.. Thinking to myself I tried finding his home where I secretly climbed the stairs and walked into his room at the right side walking past the hall, crossing the sofa that I sat on his birthday, live were those memories as I walked through in my mind, finally realizing that I lost my route. 
Time has erased the lines that connect but not the DOTs.. A cherishing morning ride, lively and fun. 

Wandering & Wondering in
Love, 
Sarah 

The Secret of Survival...

A Record of Worthy Experiences.. 

Almost till the end of college and even a few days after that, I have always wanted the Easy way out of things. The easiest course to learn, the easiest household chore to do, the easiest job to take up.. Never had tried my hand on harder paths. Every difficulty that came by my way proved extremely Negative to my confidence and perseverance. Yes, I was Unstable.. I was Fickle one may say. 

It called for a lot of compromise and adjustment from the end of my loved ones to keep me going on what I started thinking to be the easiest and struggling to face the smallest of challenges attached to it. Hard-work, Planning, Timeliness, It was never my cup of Tea until I was pushed to accept all these as a part of my survival. When all hands that held me as support were far away, and I had to take care of everything that pertains to me, that when I learnt to struggle and to survive. Spending endless nights under the noise of Rats, Compromising on any food that would fill my stomach for the time, Running around without even thinking a second to rest, working without having a look at the spokes of the clock, thats how I spent the last six months of my life in Zambia. 

Having not cared to even wash my clothes in the machine, I had to hand-wash my clothes every week, clean my room, plan my day... If not for the loneliness I would have still been my old self. But again the demon in my mind woke up. I gave up. I gave up to survive the odds that I faced. For the first time I came to terms with my negativity and instability. I realized I was being fickle, unstable, yet all that my heart asked was.. Is this Worth my time? The hard truth stood like a giant before me. Threatening me that It was yet again an embracement with my Negatives. A part of heart not wanting to give-up, A logical mind speaking the worth of life each day. I was engulfed by mixed emotions. Ofcourse, I learnt life, but I had to feed myself, provide for my fancy wishes.. I could no longer stay there. I gave-up to satisfy my thirsty mind seeking for exposure and knowledge, an opportunity to live the fruits of my hard-work. To let-go for a better tomorrow- That was the mantra in my heart. 

Often I get Engrossed in thoughts of my own existence. Questioning myself If I was doing the right thing. Afraid of the Guilt of Failure, of being a mistake, of being wrong, of facing faces that I walk past when they had a different opinion. It is like an biological Evaluation and Control System, checking the worth of every moment. Wanting to kill the time of joblessness in India, I started involving in Activities. I started ticking the check-boxes of my bucket list. One such activity is Swimming. 

One day while Swimming I felt like I was drowning, Not knowing how deep I could go, Truly engulfed by fear I wanted to come up. Wanted entered my nostrils. It was difficult to handle. All of it happened in a matter of seconds. If I lost my mind, I may not perhaps be writing this. It was the teachings of my master that echoed in my ears. He always said the key to help oneself is by keeping away Fear and holding on to Patience. It may be difficult to think about patience when one is fighting for life. But if that is the only way of survival, intellect lies in Holding on to It. I gave myself a moment of patience and calmness, trying to figure out what I should have done. I held my left over breath relaxing every part of my body. Within a few milli-seconds I started Floating. I was able to feel the stability. I held the rope next to me and came up to breathe fresh air. A Life Lesson Learnt I must say. 

I started searching for similar moments where I can try If patience is really the key. I had a few such similar encounters in the days that followed. I started Running. I have never Ran more that 50-100 meters continuously in my 23 years of living. Breath Control is the toughest of all. I gave my soul a dosage of patience every time I Ran. To Run till I reached my Mental Target. I won't say it was easy, yet I could be an amateur in a few attempts. Everyday I work-out, I try my best to feel the moment, patiently handle my body and breathe air into myself to feel energetic. 

One another moment was when I learnt to tow my cycle with my friend's Bike. I was afraid for the first time to hold on to his shoulders and let my cycle (Bike) ride on the control of his motor-bike. I even let him fall once. That was the fear over-ruling me. I killed that fear the next day to confidently and patiently hold on to him. 

It is not the work-outs alone that go by this formula of subtracting Fear and Adding Patience in our lives. I could have done the same thing in the last six months to prove a point to myself. That I am not fickle, I am just afraid to Face Reality. Today, having learnt a few valuable lessons, My return seems worthy. 

Whenever you feel like drowning yourself in a situation, remember you are holding the hands of Fear, the bad friend. Gift yourself the boost of Patience and Confidence. It may be difficult to see Clear Skies at the times of Storm, but do not give up to the threat of time, face him with Confidence, Be patient, the Rain shall fall and the sky shall become clear once again. If you give yourself the gift of patience, It highlights the positive things around you, make the best use of it to feel good again. Each one of us including Me, do this mistake often, we get afraid, we over-think, become desperate and at the end mess up everything. Lets not heed to the Sweetness in Over-thinking a future, Losing today. Lets face each day in its own taste. Only then we can break the monotony and feel Alive. 

The book of life is not elsewhere its in the situations we face. Always remember, Life is the best Teacher. Happy to share a message, Thanking my friends and situations that have been an important part my Happy Realizations on the Secret of Survival, I close this Write up with one of my favorite Quotes by Bruce Lee:

I am Not afraid of a Person, Who knows 1000 kicks

I am Afraid of a Person, Who has Practiced 1 Kick 1000 Times. 

The secret of Survival is Patience, The secret behind Mastering it is Practicing in Every situation Consciously until it becomes a Habit. 

The Sermon by The Sea...

It was a cool breezy evening. 

I was by the shore, resting my legs,

My heart wanted to join hands 

My hands wanted to be a rubber reaching out anywhere

But I gave into the tiredness and fatigue 

I couldn't say an Yes to the calling from a distance. 

I lay back silent and peaceful.

The sound of the sea played Muses in my Ears. 

She seems to Run to me trying to say something. 

Perhaps a deep philosophy or a simple thought? 

Whats cooking in the head of this ever roaring beauty? 

She was the opposite of Me.

Noisy out and Calm inside..

Was she laughing at the roaring of my inner self?

Perhaps she was trying to Soothe me..

Talking magical words into my ears..

Showing me the answers, 

For those Raging thoughts on Insanity,

Irresponsibility for Carelessness,

Brawling Anger on the Complacency,

Of Glass pieces all around.

"Pleasure at the cost of Innocence?

Party at the cost of Future Lives?"

Consumes the Curiosity & drowns the excitement

Breaks the Ignorance, killing the Innocence, 

I was lost Wanting for a Change. 

She sent him to me..He came,

Held my hands & I was full of smiles.. 

He showed me how I could be like her.

For calmness is a Choice to take

And not a treasure to Dig Deep,

For Peace is an Omnipresent Option, 

And not something to Search for..

His soft touch Felt like a Fur toy playing with me.

His funny talks were Innocently Pure,

I wanted to tell him a few words,

A few important words,

But something stopped me not to utter

And just See him like he was..

He saw and He learnt what I wanted to say,

For the Vision of Action

Passed the Message to his Heart,

We played for a while, Until

He called his friends to Lend a Hand,

Was it Shock or Excitement that woke my tired body, 

To join the Party and Walk the Talk, 

Every painful thought of Falling Apart, 

Was wiped by those Joyful hands, 

For I learnt, When Child, 

One is clay or Wet Cement,

Moulded by Circumstances, 

That which Falls hard, marks an Impression,

Let goodness Fall for Good and 

Let the bad odor mix into Invisibility, 

I fell into the hands of Hope...

He walked away to go back to where he came from,

He said he was going to the Sea.

Did She send me a Translator? Fantasy Thought, 

The Sermon of the Sea thus Comprehended..

Love,

SARAH

CHOICE

The Power to Make Choices

Having been a part of a fantasized world of romantic notions spending all my college days concentrating on people I thought I knew the best. Back then, world seemed not moving if a day was spent if I don't Chat a hundreds of texts with my loved ones. I had never lived on my own, I must say. Having ventured in to the world of competitive living where you survive only if you prove to be Different Innovative and Worthy, I started spending time on Myself, looking at the inner side of Me, for everyone who meant so much also got Busy in making a lie of their own. That is when I started Reading, Writing and now Experiencing random Meaningful Moments that not only makes life seem purposeful but also more Lively than Ever. 

Thanks to Chennai Trekking Club for providing me with one such meaningful opportunity. On 2 January’2016 we all met at Oorukuppam in Besent Nagar Beach. It was my second Beach Clean-up experience. This time I din’t wait for company. I was determined to Go, not only because I wanted to be a part of a social Event but also to feed the Writer in me who was in thirst for vivid experiences. And I did find many that inspired me to Write On.. 

Last evening as I was clearing the litter talking to a friend whom I just met, I was taken aback by the ‘Complacency’ of the men who were playing cards and spending the afternoon in meaningless Joblessness. It was shocking to see them not being motivated even the slightest at the work that we were doing. It was pathetic to see them completely ignorant and indifferent to what was happening. If you ask me if that was demotivating, I would say NO. I was Doubly Motivated when my shock was over-come by the realization that people make their Choices. And If my work can make at least one person of that group come up from his couched seats in the sand and contribute in collecting at least a handful of litter, that was the best of it. If  he wouldn’t, Never mind Change is Perennial and the complacency today will change to responsibility of Tomorrow- My heart was prepared to meet disappointment. 

But, to the surprise of me and my lively Mate we soon had company, of not just one but two. An old man and a middle aged male joined hands with us in collecting the litter. I am sure they would have felt that their day was well spent in doing something worthy for their community. As we cleared the litter in the area were we began, we thanked our new Volunteers who CHOSE to walk out of their Group to help us out. 

Life gives us a number of occasions packed with various choices of dealing with those. Its in what we prefer to Choose that adds meaning to our life. The choices of today are the seeds of the memories that we would hold onto in life that we will look back tomorrow. Choosing to stand apart, to be Unique, to be a part of a meaningful association, to Walk the Talk all these requires just one bold step, the step to Make that Choice, Embrace it as your own and Walk by it. Some choices may make us Regret and some Proud, It is experience in life that gives us the Maturity to open our eyes and look into things that add Value to our life. 

The ones who gather strength and grit to cross that bridge Go to the other side of meaningful living, the ones who don’t stay Regretting. Jan 2nd 2016 was a day well spent in the pages of the Book of my life mainly due to the Choice I made about my day. 

Dear Readers, 

Be the author of the pages you add in the book of your life by making Choices that make it meaningful. For everything in Life is a reflection of the choice we make, if you want to have a different result make a different choice. Always remember, you are gifted with free-will to make the Choices you want but you are bound to Face the consequences of your choice no matter what. 

“Destiny is not a matter of Chance; Its a matter of Choice. 

Its not a thing to be waited For; It is a Thing to be Achieved.” 

- William Jennings Bryan

CHOOSE TO BE WISE

Love, 

Sarah